


Not even a little

by Killermanatee



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s06e11 Fair Haven, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Holy crap I didn't write smut for once!, Isabo's Shirt, Kirsten Beyer novels, POV First Person, Post-Coital, Post-Endgame, sugary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 17:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12325887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killermanatee/pseuds/Killermanatee
Summary: Kathryn has a question and Chakotay has all of her answers.Fluff ensues.(Set in the Kirsten Beyer post-Endgame universe)





	Not even a little

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little something that popped into my head after re-watching Fair Haven (because apparenty I'm a masochist). It is basically how I see all of that reflected in the extended Kirsten Beyer post-Endgame universe.  
> I think it can still be enjoyed without knowing it, but I obviosuly encourage everyone to read all of the relaunch books. They are soooooo good!  
> So here is a little bit of fluff for everyone.

I’m not sure what you think of me as your question hangs in the air between us. You may have asked it with a quirk of your lip, but your eyes betray you. There is a hint of concern, the smile never reaching them. 

You are actually worried about my answer and it is incredibly endearing. 

I also can’t help but leave you hanging there just for a little while longer because it is so very rare for you to be anything but completely confident. Especially in bed and most certainly never post-coitus. This is just delicious. 

I pretend to need a moment to ponder your question even though there is nothing to consider. My view has never changed on the subject. But when the smile fades from your lip and you look away I laugh. 

It gets even worse as you give me an irritated look. It would maybe be threatening if it wasn’t for your smeared lipstick and tousled hair. 

“Oh Kathryn.” I place my hand on your cheek, rubbing at the lipstick with my thumb. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Your eyebrows draw together, your look still stern. “Ridiculous? I ask you a sincere question and you laugh at me. I should be hurt.”

I kiss your forehead, just because I can. And also because I love to kiss you. Sometimes I feel I need to make up for all the ones that we didn’t get to share. 

“You are ridiculous because it doesn’t matter to me. It didn’t then and it doesn’t know. He was a hologram. I don’t want to sound cocky, but I’ve never felt threatened by photons within a containment field.”

“You are serious? You were not jealous at all?” 

“Would you have liked me to be?” My hand slides from your cheek into your hair and I adjust my other arm under my head. This is turning into quite the unexpected conversation.  
Your fingers are soft against my chest as you start drawing circles around my pectorals, tracing the faint love-bites you left there earlier. Your eyes follow the movements of your digits. 

“Maybe just a little bit? You basically talked me into it.” You finally look up and you seem to be actually hurt. 

It occurs to me that maybe I underestimated the importance of that damn barkeeper to you. And possibly that of others?

I take a breath.  
Memories of that evening in the Delta quadrant come back to me. Of a dinner in holographic Venice. Of misunderstood gestures and a first kiss and our promise to wait. Of longing and feelings being put aside and I really need to stop this before I follow that train of thought into the darkness. 

I blink and focus on your face in front of me. Your beautiful features and the fact that you are here with me. 

“At the time you had made it clear that I would have to wait. We had agreed on that. Remember?”

You nod. So I continue. 

“We agreed to be friends and to re-evaluate after our return. And we were not going to be in each other’s way. So don’t worry about it. I can still fully understand your reluctance to enter into a relationship with someone under your command.”

That gorgeous crooked smile appears on your lips. “It does seem rather ludicrous from this standpoint, doesn’t it?”

I grin at you, feeling a little smug. “This standpoint being the one where you frequently share a bed with your submissive?” My hand glides down along your neck under the sheets, along your torso until I rest it where it fits perfectly over your hip, my thumb against the slight dip of your hipbone. I love how our bodies fit together. 

You snort. “Oh dear, there is nothing submissive about you.”

Then your face becomes serious again. This really seems to bother you and I can’t believe I misjudged the situation. 

You sigh. “I just wondered how I would have felt if things had been reversed and you had created someone to be involved with.”

It takes me a moment to collect my thoughts. Because we both know that there were more than just photons that got each of us interested and while I am not ashamed of any of it, it’s also not something I want to dwell on. Not when we are finally here. Together. I just hope my words will come out the way I want them to. 

“I have loved you for a very long time and through many challenges.” 

You open your mouth to speak, but I really need to get this out while I have a grasp on what I’m trying to say. So I keep speaking. 

“No, please, let me say this. I hold nothing against you, or against myself for that matter. I wasn’t jealous of the hologram because he was such a safe alternative. If you were with this fictional man, there was room for me, too. You were never going to spend your life with him and so I could just be happy that you had found someone to keep you company while things couldn’t be the way I would have wanted. “

Your eyes are so focused and I think I see tears in the corners but suddenly I can’t stop. It’s as if that first drop has fallen and now it’s a full downpour. 

“I would have been concerned had you pursued something serious with another member of the crew. That would have stung. But we agreed to not hold each other back and I think that’s why we found a way to support each other. I may not be proud of everything that came between us and I may wish our paths had brought us together sooner but I am so very happy to be at this point in our lives. I am happy you found your way back to me. I am happy we took this step. And I am happy we were ready for it. So how can I regret anything that lead us right here?”

Now I am definitely sure there are tears building along your lashes. Damn, this is not what I was aiming for at all. I never want to see your cry, most certainly not because of me. 

“I am sorry.” I pull you close against me, your head tucked under my chin, the expanse of our bodies pressed against each other, legs entangled. I can feel your tears against my chest and my heart aches. 

“What’s wrong? What did I say?”

You push away, and through wet lashes you look up at me with the brightest face. Maybe I was wrong?

Your hands find their way to cup my face gently. 

“Nothing is wrong. It was perfect. This is perfect." You pause. "And maybe I have turned into an emotional old hag.”

That makes me chuckle. Because you are many things. But “hag” is not one of them. 

“I don’t think I like the way you insult the Admiral. I happen to be very loyal to her.”

You wipe the tears away and your eyes sparkle. “Really now?” I just love that teasing voice of yours. “So this Admiral... what is so special about her?”

I roll you onto your back and the sheets slip down to our waists. And then I show you every way in which you are special to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything J/C since... lordy... the early 2000s? Well anyway, it's not like I ever fully fell off the wagon. ;)  
> I wanted to put this out there, so it's not beta-ed, All mistakes are mine (but feel free to point them out!)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, come find me on tumblr. ;)


End file.
